Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
