he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
