You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
