What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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