i would punch a child for taco bell
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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