do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
