She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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