You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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