Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
