Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
