Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
