Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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