Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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