i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
