do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
