Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
