WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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