i love accidental penises.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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