you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
