so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
