Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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