and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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