Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
