Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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