I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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