I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He shit in the fireplace
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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