I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
