just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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