My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
third nipple confirmed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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