Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
