found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need a burrito and a hug.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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