If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
