Sober January is a disaster.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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