In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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