At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
