someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
