Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
