he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
