Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
