My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
