I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
