so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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