We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
