one might say we're banned from that church
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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