so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
