I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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