I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
