I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
