hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
