it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
