Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
