hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
